August is almost over and people are packing the store aisles looking for that last pack of #2 pencils. Parents are gleefully anticipating the return to scheduled days and kids are looking glum knowing that homework is just around the corner. Yes folks, it’s back-to-school time. As your friendly neighborhood blogger, I thought I’d dole out a little parent-to-parent advice about school that I’ve gleaned over the past two decades.
It’s time to let go. A couple of years ago, I saw an Oprah Winfrey show where she had moms who were having a hard time watching their children go off to college. Some of them were a little pathetic doing things like renting apartments near their campus in case their child needed them. Another woman was virtually suicidal over her kids heading off to kindergarten. That’s right – kindergarten. I remember vowing never to be that way. And except for a few tears, I’ve done OK. My point here is that when it’s time, let go. Your kid will survive and so will you. If your child going to school is the low point of your life, then it’s time to find a hobby.
Don’t be a helicopter parent. I admit it. I’ve been there and I’ve done that. I’ve micromanaged elements of my kids’ lives figuring that I could save all of us time and effort and they’d be eternally grateful. It has never worked out. My kids didn’t appreciate it, didn’t learn anything at all and ultimately blamed me when it didn’t work out. My advice is this: Take them to school and then leave. These people are professionals. Trust them.
Give the teacher the benefit of the doubt. Back in the days when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was in grade school, teachers were up there next to God. If I came home and told my parents that I received a detention for something, I was in HUGE trouble and could expect to be grounded…for life. Today, some parents feel compelled to question the teacher when their child has been disciplined. If this is you – don’t. Know that teachers have experience and are just trying to do their jobs. (For very little pay, I might add.) Will the punishment always be fair? No. But then life isn’t either. Do your child a favor and let them learn this lesson. Trust me. They’ll survive.
Go to the source. There will be times when you have a question about a class or a subject or an assignment or a project. You may even have a valid complaint. You’ve tried getting answers from your child but he can’t even find last week’s permission slip. Then it’s time to go to the teacher. Not other parents on the playground or the principal. The teacher. Be polite and respectful and give them the first opportunity to address your concerns. You might get an entirely different perspective on the matter.
Let them fail. In this day and age of prodigies and test scores and uber-tots that have genius-level IQs, parents have gotten the idea that perfection is the goal. That a bad grade ruins all chances for future greatness. And so they meddle and interfere and do everything within their power to make sure their child never falters or stumbles or makes a mistake. That, in and of itself, is a mistake. The goal is to learn which you cannot do if you don’t, at some point, fail. And that’s OK.
Think back to your own memories of school. Some were good and some were bad, right? Some of your teachers changed your life and some, well, let’s just say they gave you great stories to share at reunions. Nevertheless, you survived and so will your child. Advocate but don’t smother. But feel free to bring along a tissue to get you through that first day.
