Driving Miss Cranky

A couple of weeks ago on The Real Housewives of New York City, LuAnn de Lesseps, a.k.a. The Countess, visited a Boys & Girls Club to meet with and mentor a group of “Smart Girls.” After watching this segment of the show, I immediately wanted to quote Bethenny and shout: “Oh no you di-in’t!”

I give The Countess credit for “giving back” to the community, although when giving back requires that you reach your destination in a chauffeured town car, perhaps your perspective is a bit askew.

The session started with the girls and LuAnn writing down what they like best about themselves. Rather than LuAnn further reinforcing the girls’ self-esteem, she merely reinforced her own by telling the girls that she’s likeable, funny and organized. Nothing terrible there.

Where it quickly went downhill was when LuAnn quizzed the girls on the importance of being a Countess, which was met with blank stares and such disinterest, I almost heard crickets chirping.

And then, the “piece de resistance,” as The Countess would say, was when the girls talked about what they wanted to do when they grew up. One girl, who was tall and somewhat heavyset (as my mother would say), said she wanted to be a model. Thankfully, LuAnn agreed that she had a pretty face. But then, as a throw-away aside to the co-mentor, she said “Losing weight is the easy part.” Wow, Countess, thanks for crushing that girl’s dreams. The girl never mentioned her weight but LuAnn just had to point out her flaws in a session aimed at building up. Funny, how it ended with her tearing someone down.

The scene ended with her playing basketball with the girls and feeling like the girls just couldn’t get enough of her time with them. I think that if these are truly the “smart girls,” they had more than enough Countess for one day.

Watch yourself and tell me if I'm wrong:

I know that they say that you’re not supposed to go to bed angry, but last night I did. He let me down and I kinda think he knows it. Seriously, how was I supposed to know things were going to go late?!

Wait. Did you think I was mad at my husband? No! I’m mad at my DVR! Last night was American Idol’s Top 8 Tuesday night performance. And thanks to an extra judge and a major “lil” beatdown, the show ran 9 minutes over! That’s fine, if you’re watching the show in real time, but like millions of Americans, I’m a time-shifter. In fact, even if I’m home, I wait 20 minutes before viewing my favorite shows.

But the powers that be at American Idol decided to improvise and let the show run over last night which means that those of us watching it recorded, missed Adam Lambert’s performance. Fortunately, I was able to watch it here online, but it’s totally too late for voting. I’m not a huge Adam Lambert fan (I think his performances are often over-the-top) but I think he should have gotten a fair shake. And he didn’t. I predict the judges will definitely use a save if he’s at the bottom due to the timing snafu.

As far as the other performances, they were pretty good, despite being given a rather uninspired theme for the evening (song from the year of their birth.) In my opinion, the bottom two were Lil Rounds and Scott MacIntyre. Lil was absolutely crushed by the judges, but I think for good reason. Nevertheless, I think the problem is that she just doesn’t understand their criticism, therefore, she’s not able to make the necessary changes. Scott is an amazing person but a limited performer. I don’t think his voice compares to the other guys in the Top 8. But nobody wants to say that out loud because of his visual impairment. I think he’s an inspirational story but I wouldn’t buy his CD.

The other contestants were all quite good, although I agree with Simon that Allison has a personality problem. She’s an old soul that doesn’t connect with the demographic from the show. That may prove her downfall, voting-wise, but I predict that the girl will have a record contract moments after leaving the stage. (Did you hear Kara’s comment in that regard? Remember, Kara has a publishing company and could make it happen.)

Quick final thoughts – Let’s stop putting anyone (Kris) in the mosh pit in front of the stage. It’s awkward in so many ways. Danny and Anoop are safe for now, but need a good change-up next week. I personally like Matt without the piano as a crutch.

What did you think?

One of the reasons I enjoy watching reality TV shows is because I like to think about how I would do in place of some of the contestants.

For example, it’s pretty typical to hear me say things like this while watching television:

“Well that was dumb. Everyone knows you shouldn’t call yourself the leader. Dude, you are SO voted off.”

“Just jump. Sure it’s scary, but you’ll be done WAY faster than the teams that are building the shutters.”

“Oh, why did she choose THAT song?! Everybody knows that’s an untouchable classic. Plus, she was kinda pitchy, dawg.”

See, the funny thing about me saying this about Survivor, The Amazing Race or American Idol is that, in reality, I would be THE WORST REALITY SHOW CONTESTANT EVER. I am fully aware of the fact that I would annoy any other contestants and repel viewers like no other. Why? First of all, I have zero artistic talent. Secondly, because I’m CRANKY. Thirdly, I’ve never been described as low-key. Fourth, I don’t like to eat icky and/or live things, which, as we all know, is key to success. (Except on American Idol. But hmm…maybe that would be a fun twist!)

Nevertheless, that’s half the fun of watching these shows – sitting comfortably on my couch, telling far less lazy people what they’re doing wrong.

Hey dawg, pass the popcorn please.

I’m a huge fan of the reality TV show The Real Housewives of New York City. It airs on Bravo TV on Tuesday nights at 9pm. I’m not telling you this because I’m endorsing or promoting this show. I'm not. For me, it’s truly just a guilty pleasure. In fact, the only time I watch it is when I’m folding laundry, which I think is incredibly ironic. I’m doing something “housewife-ish” while watching a show about women who are most definitely NOT housewives.

But there’s something about Jill, LuAnn, Alex, Bethenny, Ramona and Kelly that I find darkly fascinating. First let me clear one thing up: I don’t like most of these women. I cannot think of a time in my life when I could be their friend. We have absolutely ZERO in common. Still, I’m obsessed with watching them.

I watch The Real Housewives because, ironically, they’re NOT real housewives. (In fact, two of them aren’t even married.) They are most definitely NOT housewives, at least not the ones that I know. My housewife friends and I don’t spend $8,000 on a single shopping trip unless it involves a car, college tuition or a giant sectional couch. When we take our kids to camp, it’s in the back seat of our minivan, not in a private jet. I’ve never scolded someone for not calling me “Countess.” And I can’t think of the last time that I “summered” anywhere, let alone The Hamptons.

I think that’s why The Real Housewives is entertaining – because it’s a departure from everyday life. Imagine a reality show about my life. Yeah, YAWN, right?! Imagine watching me fold laundry or make a feeble attempt at cooking dinner or try to dig ANY information out of my high school daughter. My friends and I do this every day. Like so many others, we’d love to see our lives on steroids! 

OK, so let’s dish a little about TRHONYC: Did you hear that LuAnn is separated from The Count?! Could it be that she looks at him differently ever since Ramona called him old? Do you like Kelly? I didn’t care for her negative attitude at Jill’s volunteer meeting but I also thought that Bethenny was VERY harsh. And is it possible for Ramona to ever make a tactful comment? I hope not – it’s so fun to watch! Why do I like Alex and Simon so much? Is it because, compared to the other Housewives, they live in a pretty crappy house but spend oodles of money on clothes? Yeah, that’s it.

So, who’s your favorite Unreal Real Housewife?