One of
the reasons I enjoy watching reality TV shows is because I like to think about
how I would do in place of some of the contestants.
For example, it’s pretty typical to hear me say things like this while watching
television:
“Well that was dumb. Everyone knows you shouldn’t call yourself the leader.
Dude, you are SO voted off.”
“Just jump. Sure it’s scary, but you’ll be done WAY faster than the teams that
are building the shutters.”
“Oh, why did she choose THAT song?! Everybody knows that’s an untouchable
classic. Plus, she was kinda pitchy, dawg.”
See, the funny thing about me saying this about Survivor, The Amazing Race or
American Idol is that, in reality, I would be THE WORST REALITY SHOW CONTESTANT
EVER. I am fully aware of the fact that I would annoy any other contestants and
repel viewers like no other. Why? First of all, I have zero artistic talent. Secondly,
because I’m CRANKY. Thirdly, I’ve never been described as low-key. Fourth, I
don’t like to eat icky and/or live things, which, as we all know, is key to
success. (Except on American Idol. But hmm…maybe that would be a fun twist!)
Nevertheless, that’s half the fun of watching these shows – sitting comfortably
on my couch, telling far less lazy people what they’re doing wrong.
Hey dawg, pass the popcorn please.
