It was three years ago today that I lost a good friend, in the most tragic way. Some of you may remember the headlines about the Mequon husband who took the life of his wife by beating her in their home. The wife’s name was Sin Lam. Though Sin tragically left this world too soon, my thoughts for this blog are on her bright spirit and how her story can be a reminder to all women.

You could not have known a better soul than Sin. She liked to smile, never had harsh words about anyone, maintained a speed walker’s pace for such a petite person, was a dedicated worker and had lots of love for her children.

Sin and I worked at the same company together, but were fortunate to be friends outside of our jobs. I got to know her family and some of her struggles in their marriage. Though she kept most of it private and to herself. I’m sure she did it because she didn’t want others to worry or she thought it was something she could handle on her own. Unfortunate that she could not foresee the tragedy that lay ahead.

I recount the last conversation I had with her over and over and I’m sure it’s natural to wish I could have fully known or helped her in some way, but that moment has long past. The only act I can do now is make sure that other women don’t fall victim the way Sin did. She, like all of us shouldn’t leave this world in such tragedy. It affects our lives, children, family, friends and the community.

Over the years, I’ve come to know many women who had the courage to leave their husbands and those who found it in their hearts to continually forgive and stay with their husbands. I won’t judge on which method is better, but will say no matter the circumstance please recognize that help is available to you, please seek and find it. People want the best for you, but most importantly you must want the best for yourself. Recognize that abuse is a repeated cycle, no matter how much he tries to win you back, apologizes or pleads - it’s not okay to be physically hit, verbally abused or violated.

I once had the opportunity to teach teenage girls in my church many gospel principles. Self-respect was a big topic we discussed. Your body is a temple and you are a daughter of God. Seek men who value the same beliefs, who will treat you with respect and have a good perspective on marriage. I find these principles are applicable even as grown woman.

If you are in a violent relationship or know someone who is - please seek help and learn how to leave the situation as safe as possible. There are local organizations established to assist and guide you through the process. Domestic violence isn’t a personal, private matter it affects everyone.