SAHM I Am

About two months ago I was selling baby items on Craig’s List.  My husband and I had decided that we were going to be parents of an only child and thought we could free up some space in our garage and basement by getting rid of some of the bulkier baby items.  As things so often go, our plans came to a halt when my brother called to tell me that he and his fiancé were expecting their first child.  I was a bit shocked at first.  He is, after all, my baby brother and I had expected them to get married next year and not have a baby next year.  That’s just me, being the big sister that I am.  But now that I’m past that, I am so excited to be the best aunt ever and to spoil my niece or nephew!  I started to make a list of all the things they would need to register for (meaning the things I had already sold), the things they didn’t need, and the items that are just worthless (wipes warmer???).  Then I started to think of all the advice that was given to me when I was pregnant and when I first brought Audrey home.  Some of it was really good; things I still think about today.  “Tell your children you love them every day, and kiss them and hug them whenever you feel like it.”  “When in doubt, call the nurse.”  Things like that have stuck with me.  Since I’ve been giving advice to my baby brother since he was, well, really a baby, now is a great time to give him my “best advice.”

For your newborn:

*Trust your gut, listen to your heart.

*If you want to hold your baby all day, then do it.  I hated when people hinted that I was holding Audrey too much.  You can NOT spoil a newborn.

*For Katie, don’t beat yourself up over breastfeeding. It works for some, but not all.  I would have saved myself a lot of tears and pain if I would have believed that myself.

*Let your baby fall asleep on your chest.  It’s the best feeling in the world and I wish to this day that Audrey would still do that.  I mean, not her whole body, but her head lying on my chest would be great right about now.

*Sleep when your baby sleeps.  Whoever was the first to say this was a genius.

*When in doubt, call the nurse

*When people ask if they can help, say “yes”.  When the baby starts to get older, you’re not going to get as many offers, so take full advantage of this honeymoon period.

*Read to them every day.

For your infant:

*Trust your gut, listen to your heart

*Hold your baby whenever you want, but you’ll probably start wanting breaks here and there, and that’s OKAY!

*There are times when it seems like the day will never end, the crying will never stop, and the demands will never be met. When you feel like you’re at the end of your rope, it will magically lengthen for you.

*If you ever get beyond frustrated and just want to scream or cry, put the baby in the crib, walk away, and cry.  Babies sense when their parents are upset, so even if it’s just for a minute, give yourself a time-out.

*Read to them every day.

For your toddler:

*Trust your gut, listen to your heart.

*Kiss them, hug them, hold them and also give them their own “baby space” to let them explore.

*Toddler communication is difficult. A lot of pointing, crying, and grunting, but I promise you’ll know what they’re “talking” about before anyone else does.

*Read to them every day.

For your preschooler:

*Trust your gut, listen to your heart.

*Kiss them, hug them, hold them.  I can guarantee there isn’t a person who ends up on a therapist’s couch because their parents loved them too much.

*Read to them every day.

I have so many more things that come to mind; television isn’t going to ruin them.  Fruit juice once in awhile isn’t going to break them, and a lollipop is the cure-all for just about everything.  Try your best not to compare your child to anyone else’s.  It’s very hard when you hear “Billy is already walking” and “Tommy rode a two-wheeler before he turned three”.  Ask your pediatrician if your child is on track and stick to that.  I found myself constantly comparing Audrey to other kids, and then I realized that Audrey is Audrey and I wouldn’t want her any other way.

I am no expert in raising a child.  I won’t give advice on meal planning, potty training, or discipline, because I think every child and every family is so different.  What has worked for me, may not necessarily work for anyone else.  Read as many books as you want about child rearing, but the best expert will be you.  Know that every parent has had at least one moment where they thought “I can’t do this anymore”.  Most won’t admit it, but it’s the truth.  It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, in fact, it’s the opposite.  You love them so much that sometimes you wonder if you’re doing the right thing; doing enough.  I can guarantee you that as long as you trust your gut, listen to your heart, and love them with all your heart, you’re doing the right thing. 

To my baby brother, Alex, and to the lovely Miss Katie, I wish you a happy and healthy baby.  I promise to try and keep my mouth shut unless asked for specific advice.  Besides, you’ve got enough here to get you started on your incredible journey.

Audrey has become quite the little helper lately, and not just in the 3-year old “Let me do it” sense.  She really has wanted to have some responsibility around this place, and I, quite frankly, couldn’t agree more.

I know this all stems from preschool and what her class calls “helping hands”.  Every day she goes, children are assigned different tasks to help out in the classroom.  Not every child gets a job every day, but when they do, they are overjoyed.  Some of their “helping hands” positions include Line Leader (self-explanatory), Milk Helper (pass out milk and napkins during snack), Snack Helper, and Zebee feeder (the pet bird).  I know there are others, but the ones I mentioned are the highest sought after positions in the class.  So far, Audrey likes being the milk helper the best. 

At home, her newest job is setting the table.  There are a couple of things about setting the table that I must admit. One, we never set the table in this house.  I usually dole out dinner on the counter and then bring it to the table.  We’re responsible for our own drinks, so I don’t set out glasses either.  Two, this idea was Audrey’s and Audrey’s alone.  So now every night we have to have a formal setting at dinner, complete with Kleenex.  We have napkins that go on our chairs and the Kleenex sets atop our plates.  Do you think we’ve been suffering from runny noses enough around here? 

Setting the table is a rather tedious process even for just three people.  You see, Audrey doesn’t take more than one item to the table at a time.  Just imagine the number of trips she has to make to bring plates, forks or spoons (I won’t let her carry the knives yet), napkins, cups, and yes, Kleenex. 

Tonight she asked for milk at dinner so I poured her little cup and she walked it over to her setting.  Then she asked if she could carry the bottles to the table.  “What bottles?” I asked her.  “The bottles you and daddy drink from” she replied.  We had beer with dinner on Tuesday night.  I told her we wouldn’t be drinking from bottles tonight and then gave her two glasses of water to set next to our place settings.  She was ecstatic to be carrying GLASSES and not just a plastic cup.

I never thought I’d get so much pleasure out of watching my little one bust her tail, but I think it’s just great.  She’s obviously picking up on things at school, she’s learning about responsibility at home, and she takes great pride in her work.  Plus, I know when she’s busy being mommy’s helper, she’s not in the other room making a mess (which she calls decorating). She sets a mean table (complete with Kleenex), but she hasn’t quite mastered the art of picking up after herself. 

I don’t know many people who love November as much as I do. Sure some like it because it means breaking out the musty sweaters, lighting the first fire in the fireplace, the beginning of the Holiday season, etc. But for me, November is about so much more; it’s all about my birthday. Some folks celebrate just their birth day, some maybe take a weekend or stretch out the week, but I have a birthday month. Am I slightly narcissistic? Yes, but follow me here. When is it ever a bad thing to celebrate being born?

I don’t have elaborate parties every year or expect lavish gifts. I just want people to acknowledge that special day and so I give them plenty of fair warning by dropping hints that November 17 is just a couple of weeks away.

Last year I turned 30 and it was, by far, the coolest birthday I have ever experienced. My husband, with the assistance of one of my best friends, went all out to deliver the most amazing November birthday yet. My birthday was on a Saturday last year and happened to fall on the day of the Milwaukee Holiday parade. When I woke up that morning I was handed a clue a la “The Amazing Race”. I had to shower and shave my legs (you’ll find out why later) and get dressed warmly. I was to look up the address on my clue to figure out where we were going, which ended up being the parade. Prior to arriving at the parade I had a clue to stop at Stone Creek Coffee where my brother and his fiancé ended up surprising me. I was then to look for the man in the yellow hat. That man turned out to be my dad. He and my mom had reserved a prime spot for us at the parade. Mid-way through the parade I received another clue to leave with Jessica and head to the next address. We spent the rest of the afternoon receiving spa treatments at Spa Roma (hence the shaved legs). At the end of our spa day, I was handed a clue that led me to the Hilton. There I checked into a room and to my surprise, my family, including Audrey were there. They had spent the day at the water park and waited for my arrival. I had just a few moments to relax before I was told to get ready for my next stop. My husband had brought me a great “going out” outfit, and was shocked to know that he even brought me a matching coat. Jess and I then ended up at Blu where the cocktail waitress handed me my final clue. On the back of each clue there was a letter and I needed to unscramble the letters to lead me to my final destination: Rock Bottom. There, in the basement, were 30 of my friends and family waiting to give me my final SURPRISE. Patrick had special drinks made in my honor, commemorative pint glasses for every guest, and then had people explain to me that he had been planning that event for more than 6 months. I knew there were a few reasons I married this guy!

In the history of all birthdays, I don’t know that anything will top that, and to be honest, I don’t need that to be topped. My 30th gave me enough memories to continue on for a very long time, but this doesn’t mean that I give every one a free pass to forget me this November!

Last night marked a very important night in our household.  The Binky Fairy finally came and took all of Audrey’s binkies away.  Yes, at 3 years and 3 months, she was still using her binky to fall asleep at night.  It was my dirty little secret, one that parents often don’t want to discuss because there always seems to be such a stigma attached to pacifier use.  However, I will justify everything by stating two things (1) Her dentist was perfectly fine with her pacifier use as long as she wasn’t using it throughout the day AND if she gave it up somewhere around her 3^rd birthday and (2) She really did only use it at night. 

About one month ago we started to discuss the Binky Fairy and how one night Audrey would have to leave all of her binkies under her pillow and the fairy would come and take them away and give them to babies who needed them.  In turn, the Binky Fairy would leave Audrey a very special gift.  I had planned on taking the binky away on Tuesday because that’s the day Shrek the Halls comes out on DVD and I thought it would be a great gift.  Audrey, as it always seems, had other plans.  She discussed the Binky Fairy with Nana yesterday as they spent the entire day together while mommy and daddy spent the day shopping.  “Nana put my binky under the pillow for tonight” she told us when we got home.  Fabulous, but there was just one issue, I had no Binky Fairy gift.  So after putting Audrey to bed last night with her 3 beloved binkies were tucked under her pillow, I ran out to K-Mart to get a gift.

I was fully prepared for the night to be horrible. I expected a battle for her to fall asleep and a battle to stay asleep, but not a darn thing happened.  It’s like the past 3 years of binky usage never existed.  This morning when she woke up, I heard her say “They’re all gone. My binkies are all gone.”  She came out of her room and looked very sad, but only because she couldn’t find the promised gift.  I walked her back in her room and pointed out the gift on her chair.  “That’s a weird sock mommy.”  It was a Christmas stocking, a Mickey and Minnie stocking to be exact.  Inside the stocking I had put Christmas ornaments that she can paint, a chocolate lollipop (out of her Halloween bag) and a card from the Binky Fairy herself. She was so proud of herself, and her daddy and I were so incredibly proud (and also a bit relieved) of what a big girl she is now.

I must admit that I’m probably a little bit sadder than I thought I would be over this.  I mean, I really wanted to get rid of the binkies, and at the same time, they were the last “baby” things that Audrey had.  Today I put them in her bin along with all the other important baby mementos, closed the lid, and started a new chapter in the life of Audrey.