About two months ago I was selling baby items on Craig’s List. My husband and I had decided that we were going to be parents of an only child and thought we could free up some space in our garage and basement by getting rid of some of the bulkier baby items. As things so often go, our plans came to a halt when my brother called to tell me that he and his fiancé were expecting their first child. I was a bit shocked at first. He is, after all, my baby brother and I had expected them to get married next year and not have a baby next year. That’s just me, being the big sister that I am. But now that I’m past that, I am so excited to be the best aunt ever and to spoil my niece or nephew! I started to make a list of all the things they would need to register for (meaning the things I had already sold), the things they didn’t need, and the items that are just worthless (wipes warmer???). Then I started to think of all the advice that was given to me when I was pregnant and when I first brought Audrey home. Some of it was really good; things I still think about today. “Tell your children you love them every day, and kiss them and hug them whenever you feel like it.” “When in doubt, call the nurse.” Things like that have stuck with me. Since I’ve been giving advice to my baby brother since he was, well, really a baby, now is a great time to give him my “best advice.”
For your newborn:
*Trust your gut, listen to your heart.
*If you want to hold your baby all day, then do it. I hated when people hinted that I was holding Audrey too much. You can NOT spoil a newborn.
*For Katie, don’t beat yourself up over breastfeeding. It works for some, but not all. I would have saved myself a lot of tears and pain if I would have believed that myself.
*Let your baby fall asleep on your chest. It’s the best feeling in the world and I wish to this day that Audrey would still do that. I mean, not her whole body, but her head lying on my chest would be great right about now.
*Sleep when your baby sleeps. Whoever was the first to say this was a genius.
*When in doubt, call the nurse
*When people ask if they can help, say “yes”. When the baby starts to get older, you’re not going to get as many offers, so take full advantage of this honeymoon period.
*Read to them every day.
For your infant:
*Trust your gut, listen to your heart
*Hold your baby whenever you want, but you’ll probably start wanting breaks here and there, and that’s OKAY!
*There are times when it seems like the day will never end, the crying will never stop, and the demands will never be met. When you feel like you’re at the end of your rope, it will magically lengthen for you.
*If you ever get beyond frustrated and just want to scream or cry, put the baby in the crib, walk away, and cry. Babies sense when their parents are upset, so even if it’s just for a minute, give yourself a time-out.
*Read to them every day.
For your toddler:
*Trust your gut, listen to your heart.
*Kiss them, hug them, hold them and also give them their own “baby space” to let them explore.
*Toddler communication is difficult. A lot of pointing, crying, and grunting, but I promise you’ll know what they’re “talking” about before anyone else does.
*Read to them every day.
For your preschooler:
*Trust your gut, listen to your heart.
*Kiss them, hug them, hold them. I can guarantee there isn’t a person who ends up on a therapist’s couch because their parents loved them too much.
*Read to them every day.
I have so many more things that come to mind; television isn’t going to ruin them. Fruit juice once in awhile isn’t going to break them, and a lollipop is the cure-all for just about everything. Try your best not to compare your child to anyone else’s. It’s very hard when you hear “Billy is already walking” and “Tommy rode a two-wheeler before he turned three”. Ask your pediatrician if your child is on track and stick to that. I found myself constantly comparing Audrey to other kids, and then I realized that Audrey is Audrey and I wouldn’t want her any other way.
I am no expert in raising a child. I won’t give advice on meal planning, potty training, or discipline, because I think every child and every family is so different. What has worked for me, may not necessarily work for anyone else. Read as many books as you want about child rearing, but the best expert will be you. Know that every parent has had at least one moment where they thought “I can’t do this anymore”. Most won’t admit it, but it’s the truth. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your child, in fact, it’s the opposite. You love them so much that sometimes you wonder if you’re doing the right thing; doing enough. I can guarantee you that as long as you trust your gut, listen to your heart, and love them with all your heart, you’re doing the right thing.
To my baby brother, Alex, and to the lovely Miss Katie, I wish you a happy and healthy baby. I promise to try and keep my mouth shut unless asked for specific advice. Besides, you’ve got enough here to get you started on your incredible journey.
