Tales from the Crib

As I walked away from my screaming daughter at daycare today, one of the other moms looked at me and said, "You're so lucky, my son runs away when I come to pick him up at the end of the day."

The last two days have been the worst yet—for me. The screaming unwilling goodbye, the knowledge that Anika is in teething pain and just wants to cuddle with her mom.

The mornings seem rough for Anika, too, in the beginning. But after she calms down, she'll find some fun toys and play with her new friends. I know she's in great hands and the director tells me every day that she is doing better every day. (And I believe her.)

In fact, she said yesterday was "super!" Her first super day started off with a screaming goodbye, too, so I try not to let worry consume me. I left quickly, gave Anika a kiss and an "I love you" and calmly walked out. Then I ran to the car and sped off.

It's a rough way to start your day. As miserable as it is for me, it's nice to think that other moms call it lucky. Maybe they miss the Separation Anxiety Stage. I can't imagine it, but I maybe I will too. 

We made it! All of us (mainly me) survived our first week of day care.

Anika is adjusting well and I’m getting into the swing of our new schedules. My daughter amazes me every day with her new feats and how she's beginning to decipher the world. But what amazes me most of all is the fact that she seems to need no sleep.

As far as day care goes, I understand her non-sleeping tendency. I know how she is in groups of kids: When we visit my nephews she doesn’t nap, either. She doesn’t want to miss any potential excitement.

Reason would have it that a non-sleeping baby in the afternoon would be a sleeping baby at night. Unfortunately, this is not the case.

After 5 days in day care, Anika has barely napped and she has gone to bed late and woke up early … for 5 days in a row. Did I say 5 days? If not, I’d like to mention it’s been 5 days for our non-sleeping baby.

I count my lucky stars she isn’t fussy when she wakes up in the middle of the night. She giggles and starts crawling around, wide-eyed and ready to play!

Last night was the longest night of sleep yet — 4 hours.

Although she’s happy overall, I can tell from the slight shift in her demeanor that she’s nearing the end of her sleep protest. She can’t hold on much longer … or can she?

Maybe she will finally tire out this weekend—another family vacation waterpark weekend. Hopefully we can all squeeze in a nap before we squeeze in the car!

Not much rattles me these days, but I'm a ball of nervous irrational energy today.

It’s my daughter’s first day of day care. I stayed home with Anika for 6 weeks, then went back to work part-time, then full-time. I worked days and Nate worked nights, so we have been fortunate that she was always with a parent.

Realistically, I have little to complain about. We are fortunate to have a long relationship with a trusted day care professional, who was able to fit Anika into her great environment. We are fortunate that Anika got to spend the days bonding with her father for her first year. I’m excited for Anika to meet, socialize and play with other children. I’m happy she is in a small environment where she will get a lot of individual attention.

But I still have that feeling in my stomach. Not a gut feeling that something is wrong, just a feeling that is … mom nerves, I guess. I know in my gut that Anika will do great in a day care environment. She loves other children and of course, loves to play. We spent a little time at the center to get her prepared. When we left together, she fussed!
 

This morning as we walked up the steps, she giggled. And she didn’t cry when I left, (which is a completely new phase in the last few weeks).

What am I nervous about? I can’t put a finger on it. Why can’t I put a finger on it? Because there is no logical reason to be nervous. (Mothers don’t have to be logical when it comes to their children, right?)

This afternoon I called the day care center, just to make sure that Anika wasn’t in the midst of a crying fit, missing her parents or unhappy in an unknown place with new people. Before I heard a hello, I heard Anika’s giggles in the background.

Yep, she is fine, just like I knew she would be. I didn’t even have to ask.

I called Nate to see if he was as nervous as me. It’s his day off and he went to the Brewers game, alone and without the hassle of a bringing a diaper bag. I should take a lesson from him sometimes.

The mom nerves have yet again got the best of me. I think I may never be comfortable and calm without my daughter in my arms – or at least in direct view. And until that day comes, I will still unreasonably count the minutes until I can pick her up.