Tales of a Square Peg

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the absence of positive media images of local brown people.  Here's the first of a few follow-up posts about people who counter those images through their daily lives.

  This is Mari Maldonado.  She is a first generation natural-born citizen, the middle child of four who was born to parents who are originally from Puerto Rico.  She's funny, obviously beautiful, outgoing, passionate -- and compassionate about what she does.  Mari's the Fund Development Coordinator for the Guest House of Milwaukee, a men's homeless shelter located in the heart of the city.  Their goal is to move the men that live there -- the "guests" -- from homelessness to independence by providing onsite alcohol and drug abuse counseling, along with case management and other critical services.  According to Mari, they've had residents as young as 18 and old as 82.

So how did Mari -- this former salesperson of "everything from cameras to insurance" and now also a student of Mt. Mary College -- end up here?  Because (as she puts it) she has a heart for serving others.  Her heart led her to volunteer in the Guests House's dispensary (I didn't know what a dispensary was either....it's the place where guests get razors, toothpaste and other personal items.)  One year later, Mari was asked to join the staff as the fundraiser and volunteer coordinator.  This is really her calling, and it comes across loud and clear in Mari's voice when she talks about "the guys."

What I saw and heard during my short visit at the Guest House confirmed what I already knew: the tough economic times are hitting everyone; many of the men finding themselves at the Guest House are citing layoffs as an element in their homelessness.  It really made me wonder how many of us could only be a paycheck or illness or accident away from homelessness; and that people who -- by either bad choices or bad luck -- end up homeless were kids once upon a time...and their parents probably had the same hopes and dreams for them that I have for GG right now.  It made me sad inside, but it also made me grateful for places like the Guest House that are here to help.

One of the Men's Dorms

I left our interview wanting to do something...and that's what Mari's about: (in her words) Inspiring people.  She says "we're all here to do something -- even the little things can change and affect other people's lives."  So what are the little things?  Honestly, it's the stuff I never think about.  Like donating body wash, spray deodorant, razors, toothpaste, toothbrushes, gloves, socks.  These are things that places like the Guest House are always in need of.  I'm not proud to say it, but for me, these items are afterthoughts that I just throw in the shopping cart without thinking...but they can mean the whole world to someone trying to get back on their feet.

I initially went into this interview with the intent of shining a light on a brown person who counters the negative images that we all too often see.  And while Mari definitely does just that, I walked away from my visit with so much more: an appreciation for the blessings I have and the inspiration to start doing more to help.  Even if it's just the little things.

Thanks for doing so much more than shining a light, Mari. 

Mural by a Formerly Homeless Resident

*If you want to learn more about the Guest House, just visit their website at guesthouseofmilwaukee.org.*

I thought it was ironic that the whole Favre Saga was ramping up around back-to-school time...and it just got me thinking about the worth of expectations.

GG will enter K5 this fall, and I expect her teacher to relate to her as an individual with unique capabilities, and teach her in that manner.  I also expect that her teacher will maintain order in the class and encourage good behavior.  I expect GG's teacher to be attentive to her, while also being equally attentive to the other kids.  I expect that her teacher will put in whatever time is necessary to do a good job -- and I understand that this may mean workdays that exceed 8 hours.  I expect her teacher to have open communication with Jamie and me about GG's progress and challenges.  Finally, I'd certainly hope that GG's teacher will be a role model that all the kids look up to.  That's a pretty tall order, but isn't it close to what we, as parents, expect from teachers?  What about you parents sending your little ones off to daycare?  What are your expectations?  And what are our expectations worth?

Kindergarten schoolteachers' salaries start at a little over $27,000 and cap at a little over $52,000 depending upon experience, education and area of specialty.  Daycare providers' salaries start at about $17,500 and cap at around $24,000 depending upon experience, education and area of specialty.

So what expectations did Brett have to live up to?  What were they worth?  (Understand, this really isn't about Brett, I like the guy -- replace his name with any other sports figure if you want)  Anyway, the expectations were that he'd be in shape for the upcoming season, use that legendary arm, run fast, read plays well, and maybe even take us to the Super Bowl.  In 2007, these expectations were worth a cool $11 million; and then this year, he was offered $20 million to not meet those expectations.....both were a lot more than a teacher or daycare provider's salary at the top of their game.

Am I missing something here?....I don't know, I just wonder what kind of saga would play out if a teacher announced retirement or requested a transfer to a different school.  Would it make the headlines and cause the heartache like Brett's retirement-unretirement did?

I don't have a snappy bow to tie up this article; but as we begin the school year, I'd like to offer my sincerest, deepest thanks to all of the teachers and daycare providers who are living up to our high expectations even without the lure of a professional sports figure's hefty compensation.  Too often, they're the unsung heroes.  Many miss their own kids' first day of school because they're welcoming our kids on that day and even comforting the Nervous Nelly Parents among us.  Because we know our kids are safe with them, we can have peace of mind as we release our kids into their care.

I don't know about you, but that's priceless to me -- especially as a working mom.  And if it were up to me, the teachers and daycare providers would be the ones in the headlines because more often than not, they exceed the expectations we have of them.

If you have a special thank you to your teacher or childcare provider, or if you want to share what they mean to you and your family click on the comment button.  We can never say thank you enough to these special angels! 

Running.  Running to the kitchen.  Running to the bedroom.  Running to the living room.  Running to the bathroom.  GG runs in the house.  All the time.  It's not unusual for kids her age to do it, but when you couple constant running from a kid who scores in the 97th height and weight percentile with our small house, you end up with parents whose nerves are fried.

Silly us, we tried "Please don't run!"  "Stop running!"  "Don't run!" all the while forgetting that 5-year-olds only hear the "RUN!" "RUNNING!" "RUN!"  So I decided to address this nerve-frying, normal behavior with a strength-based approach by telling GG that I had a special assignment for her:  "Today, I want you to remember that we're only walking in the house.  Do you think you can do that?"  With a confident nod yes, she was off and ...walking to her play area.  Success!

Twenty minutes later, convinced that I was now a certified professional at this strength-based approach, I decided to reinforce the behavior with some praise.  "Hey, I noticed that you're walking more.  Great job at your special assignment."

She listened intently, and began to pace like a high-powered attorney making a closing argument.  "Well mom (hands moving expressively, eyes rolling heaven-ward and head cocked)....Here's the deal."  Here's the deal?  I didn't know we were in negotiations.

She continued "It's like this: when you're like all yelling and stuff (more hands, eye-rolling, etc.) -- I just can't do it.  But when you talk nicely, well...then I can."

Oooh!  She got me!  Right in the jugular too!  I mean -- am I nag?  Do I always concentrate on the negative?  Am I working too much?  Should I be working part-time?  Should I be working at all?  Will she end up on the therapist's couch ten years from now because her nagging, negative, working-too-much mother yelled about running once or twice?

And then I came back down to earth and realized that she was, literally, trying to broker a deal that would result in her own fantasyland.  One where mom and dad never raise their voices, and children are allowed to run freely and wildly over the open range of their homes and eat candy all day and never take naps.  So I ended up having my own "here's the deal" talk, which explained that mom and dad always want to use the "nice voice", but if she's not listening to the nice voice, then we will be "like, all yelling and stuff."

I shared this experience with one of my co-workers who, as the mother of two teenaged sons, has extensive experience in deal-making, kid style.  She gave me the following words of wisdom which I've tucked in a safe place for future use with my own little litigator:  I'm the Mom, and we don't make deals.

But I'll also be more conscious of like, all yelling and stuff...just don't tell GG I said that.

When I worked at a different organization over ten years ago, Emmy's (not her real name) and my boss did volunteer work together.  We had talked and joked with each other while we did meeting scheduling and those types of thngs over the phone; so although we had never met, we had a great relationship.  One day I called Emmy to see if her boss received the mailing I sent out.  He hadn't yet, and Emmy let me know that it was probably being held up with the temps in the mailroom because "Well.....they're [the temps] black.  You know how they are."  The confrontation just wasn't worth it, so I just got out a "Uh, yeah....I know what you mean.  Let me know when he does get it.  Thanks."  Guess I didn't sound like I was black -- whatever that means.

Calm down, it happens.  It wasn't the first time I ran into that, and it probably won't be the last.  And Emmy's genuinely nice -- its not like she burns crosses on people's lawns in her downtime; she was just talking out of her....ignorance.  And let's face it, even though Milwaukee's brown population -- Hispanic and Latino American, Asian, Black, and mixed-race -- is growing, the images that we see of these local "brown people" are kind of out of balance.  We see perpetrators or people in poverty, but not much in between.  So I can't completely place all of the blame on Emmy.  When we don't see positive images balanced with those of the negative, I think we (and I'm including myself here) subconsciously buy into believing that that specific people groups are the sum total of what we see.  This concerns me particularly as we raise GG.  I mean, she obviously has me and some of my other family members to see as positive brown images, but not many others.  Her primary exposure to local brown people (Hispanic and Latino, Asian, Middle-eastern) is what we see on television news or in the paper....and I just wonder how much of it she's buying into.

I know there are many brown people who counter the images.  They're dedicated individuals who quietly work to sustain our community through philanthropy, volunteerism, and just doing their day-to-day jobs.  Like I said in my first post, I am hopeful about our community's future, and a lot it of has to do with these kind of folks.  So, in periodic future posts, I'd like to shed light on a few brown people who counter the negative images that we see.  By uncovering the work they do, I believe I can re-educate myself, and in so doing provide better images for GG -- and hopefully for you and your kids too.

Now, don't misunderstand me, I'm far from an expert on "all peoples brown."  I know about some who are working in and/or leading great organizations, but I don't claim to know about all; so I'd like for you to help me out in this fact-finding mission.  Here's how:

*Email me at the link below if you know of a "brown person"  (that means black, Hispanic or Latino, Asian or other ethnic minority) who's doing something to uplift the community.  (Coaches, foster parents, people in business, teachers, EMTs, bus drivers, volunteers, you-name-it); or

*Email me at the link below IF YOU ARE a brown person who's doing something to uplift our community.  I'd like to hear your story; and, as always:

*Keep the comments coming.  The more we all talk and hear each other's views, the more educated we'll be.  Just click on the comment button below.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you.  I know we can't change the images we see overnight, but together we can uncover some new, positive ones....for ourselves and our kids.