“Now….are you crying because it’s that time of the month, or uh…..”  That was my Beloved's response to me crying over a working-mother dilemma I was facing. 

Bottom line is this: there was a last-minute work thing that got scheduled smack-dab in the middle of GG’s first big-kid speaking role at school.  “She’ll be fine.  You know she’s got it memorized, she’ll do great.  I’ll be there.  I’ll videotape it."  That was my husband's very logical reasoning. Jamie’s not clueless – far from it.  My job’s been cranking up lately and he’s really been Dad AND Mom lately, so I should have been thankful.  But instead, I was ripped up in shreds.  So no – the tears weren’t because of “that time of the month,” these were bona fide Working-Mom Tears.  He looked at me helplessly as I forced out an "Okay."  Realizing his logical logic was useless to his teary wife, he said “You need to talk to Amy about this.”  He meant BFF Amy.  We’ve been friends since we were five and he knew she’d talk some sense into me.

But he forgot BFF Amy is also a mom…with THREE kids.  BFF Amy and I talked about it…and like a Mom, she advised…”Yeah, that’s hard… she’ll have other stuff, but she’s only going to have her first time doing something like this once...and you can't get that back.”  Later, I talked to BFF Becky – she’s my sister-in-law and GG’s Godmother.  Back when her 20-something-year-old was GG’s age, she was a working mom too.  After a lot of tears on my part and lots of hugs on BFF Becky’s part, she offered “Maybe you just have to stand up and tell ‘em that your daughter comes first.”  But at the same time, she also understood the work obligation “But if you have to be at work, you tell me – and I’ll be there.  I know it won't be like you being there, but I’m her Godmother. That’s what I’m here for, honey.”  Makes me tear up now just writing about it.

Anyway, that’s what I love about my Mom-BFFs…they get it.  They put up with every conversation being about the crisis at hand, even if it means having a week-long conversation about the same thing.  They get the push-pull of working and mothering, and they’ve got the common sense to say when it’s time to push back.  They put up with Working-Mom Tears….and they never, EVER ask if the tears are there because it’s “that time of the month.”

Thanks to the Journal Sentinel series Wasted in Wisconsin, I think a lot of necessary attention is being turned to drunk driving.

I’m highly aware of alcohol issues because I work for IMPACT.  We assess convicted drunk drivers to determine if they have major alcohol problems; and if they do, we connect them with treatment.  If they don’t – which surprisingly, is about 50% of the people convicted of DUI – we connect them to education with the hopes of preventing future offenses.  We do similar assessments and referrals that are free for people who think they might have a problem, or know someone who has a problem with drinking or drugs.  We also run a substance abuse prevention program for elementary through high school kids.

All that to say, that in the nine years I've been working for IMPACT, my awareness about drinking has grown by leaps and bounds; and it really should have, since I write grant requests for a lot of what we do.

Leave it to GG to show me how little I know: 60 Minutes aired a story about a movement to bring the drinking age BACK DOWN TO 18.  Hmmmm.  They highlighted the sad story of a college student who, along with his fraternity brothers were binge drinking.  He passed out and his friends couldn’t wake him up, so they moved him to the library steps where he was found unresponsive.  He was never revived.  It was heartbreaking -- and it is heartbreaking, because stories like this are all too common.

I didn’t know that GG was paying any attention because all the while she was drawing on her doodle board; but a few minutes into the story, she showed me a picture that she had drawn about the student, saying that he shouldn’t have had “all those cups of beer.”  I knew this was a “teachable moment,” but I wasn’t sure what to say.  I mean, really, her dad and I have a beer or glass or wine here and there, so I didn’t tell her that drinking is altogether wrong; instead we talked about choices…and how having too much of anything is never healthy or safe.  Then I told her to think about the choices that the student and his friends should have made, and to draw a picture about those choices.  She didn’t let me down: one scene was of the boy smiling with his friends because they called 9-1-1 to help him, and another scene was about him at the party having fun because he didn't drink “too many cups of beer.”

TALK BACK:  Do you talk to your kids about alcohol and/or drugs?  What are some of the things that you tell them?  Do you think the drinking age should be rolled back to 18?

(A Model of the Milwaukee Rep's A Christmas Carol stage set)

Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, A Christmas Carol is a universal story of hope -- something I think everyone needs more of, especially this year.  But there’s another side to the Milwaukee Rep’s production of A Christmas Carol -- another story of hope in an unlikely circumstance….

The mom of a struggling family was terminally ill.  Like most moms, her first worry wasn't about her disease -- instead, she worried about the kids....and how their Christmas might be ruined because of her illness.  Christmas came….and it was the best the family ever had: all because of people who cared.  These people got presents for the kids that the parents could never afford.  They arranged a day at the spa for the mom, giving her a space in time where her real-world worries wouldn’t intrude.  The people even got everyone in the family new clothes -- items that had been an unheard-of luxury only a few weeks before.  The family cherished that last Christmas together; but some months later, the mom succumbed to her illness.  The family was sad, but they remembered the kindness of those people, and they held that last, very special Christmas in their hearts forever.  These memories comforted them when they missed mom the most and even gave them hope for the future.

This is a true story; and it happened because of our own Milwaukee Rep’s A Christmas Carol.  But how?  After each performance of ACC, costumed actors greet the audience as they exit the theater and collect donations.  Then right before Christmas, all of the Rep’s employees – everyone from the cleaning crew, to the costumers, to the admin staff – go shopping with collected donations so they can “bring Christmas” to a struggling family.  The next day, everyone at the Rep wraps each present, and then they go out and personally deliver them.  The families to whom the Rep “brings Christmas” are clients served by a non-profit agency that is selected by the Rep earlier in the year.  The selected agency also receives collected donations.

(pictured above, Lanise Antoine Shelley, star of this year's "Eurydice" ready to be "Santa" in 2006.)

Annie Jansen Jurczyk, the Rep’s Fund Development Director tells me the Rep’s been helping Milwaukee non-profits and families through ACC performances for 15 years.  First time you’ve heard about this?  Well, the Rep doesn’t do this so the newspaper will pick up the story and say how great they are, or even that some some blogger will write about it.  They do it because, for them, it’s the right thing to do.  And a lot of people who go to ACC each year feel the same way.  Like the family with the kids who actually bring their piggy banks to the play.  Each year, these kids save money to give when the play’s over. 

(BTW: That's Annie & GG in the picture)

All told, since 2001, people who go to see ACC have given over $165,000 to seven different agencies and brought Christmas to over twenty families in our community.  That’s a lot of change bringing a lot of hope to people when they need it most.

So, if you go to see ACC this year (and I hope you’re planning to), toss a dime, quarter, dollar – or whatever you may have rattling around in your pocket or purse or piggy bank to Tiny Tim, Bob Cratchit or even old Scrooge himself  -- and you’ll be a part of A Christmas Carol’s other story too.  Like Annie says, “I don’t care if it’s just the change in your pocket; every bit of change makes a difference.” 

Installment #2 in the Shining A Light Series

I'm proud to feature Matricia Patterson, she's the Telephonic Services Coordinator for 2-1-1 @ IMPACT a free hotline that's operates year-round for 24 hours, 7 days-a-week.

People dial "211" to find emergency food, shelter, financial help, healthcare – as well as places accepting donations that help those of us who are struggling in this weird economy.  Anyway, Matricia and I interface quite a bit through my role as a fundraiser for IMPACT -- the organization that operates 2-1-1.  I know her as one of those put-together, intelligent, positive -- but never overbearing -- women that I'd like to be when I grow up.  Anyway, that's how I know Matricia. 

But if you're one of her thirty or so nieces, nephews (yes, 30 -- she's the youngest of 7 kids) or extended family, you may know her as the person who taught you to drive.  Or she's the person who brings you to work on those "Take Your Daughter to Work" days.  Maybe you know her as the aunt who taught you the family recipes.  Or maybe you were one of the 10 kids she took skating.  Maybe she's the aunt who took you in and was your parent when your own parents were trying to sort their lives out.

Maybe you called IMPACT or 2-1-1 over the past 11 years and were one of the 2,500 people that Matricia helped.  You might have been like the lady who called because this past summer's floods caused mold in her mom’s basement and she didn't know what to do.  She called 2-1-1 and spoke with Matricia.  Matricia connected her with the Milwaukee County Emergency Management Division, and the mom’s basement problems got solved.

If you're involved with the Cathedral Center, you know Matricia as a Board member.  If you've been to County Board proceedings, you may have seen Matricia there too.  You could also know her from Cardinal Stritch, because somewhere in between the long hours that come with a supervisory role, inspiring her extended family and community involvement, she found the time to squeeze in a Master's Degree in Business Management. (That's in addition to the Master's Degree in Social Work that she already has.)  And did I mention that she's the President of the Wisconsin Alliance of Information and Referral Systems (AIRS)?

The few words posted here don't begin to scratch the surface of how brightly Matricia shines, but what is it that makes her shine so brightly?  At her job, it’s knowing that she really is making a difference -- like the calls where she's helping people get access to lifesaving prescription meds that may seem out of reach.  Her commitment to her profession drives her to be active in organizations that deepen her understanding of community issues.  But above everything else, Matricia gives her parents all the credit  (See moms and dads, our kids WILL appreciate everything we do one day!).  She says her parents "made me who I am."  They instilled a "strong work ethic" and exposed her to community leaders, spirituality and the positive brown images that are so critical for everyone to see....

About two years ago, GG went through a "sensitive stage."  Certain songs like "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" and "My Grown-up Christmas List" would leave her in tears every time they came on the radio.  Every time.  Needless to say, it was a really weepy Christmas that year.  When asked why she was crying, she'd answer through her tears "because it's a really sweet song."  Then there was that time in the car when she asked what I was thinking about; and I told her that I was thinking about how much I loved her.  I checked the rear-view mirror only to see tears streaming down her face and heard "that was a really sweet thing to say, mom."  You get the picture.  She was acutely sensitive back then, and to a certain extent, she still is.  I've often wondered which one of us passed that onto her.

Until last week.

Jamie and I donated GG's now-too-small clothes to the *Good Samaritan Outreach Center, a place that distributes clothing for free.  GG's clothes were packed in plastic tubs that I wanted to bring back home, so I unpacked while the volunteers sorted through the items.  There were people who were being helped by other volunteers that day, and some were waiting to be helped.  Among them was a mom with a little girl that was maybe a year younger than GG.  The sight of the two of them really hit me hard, and I started picking through the tub I was unpacking to see what would fit the little girl, what she might need in light of the changing weather, bypassed the sorters and handed some stuff directly to the mom.  When I got done, the mom simply said thank you, and I left.

I called Jamie right after that in a composed state, but when I started telling him about the little girl, I just lost it.  GG and I could've been the ones in need, but we've been blessed, that's all.  Anyway, my husband is a saint.  He waited patiently on the phone with me until my blubbering was over, and said that we'll be going back there with more stuff -- for adults and kids -- from now on.

*We found out about Good Samaritan by calling 2-1-1.  If you’re looking for a place within your ZIP code where you can contribute clothes or other items, just dial 2-1-1 from your home phone or 773-0211 from a cell or pay phone.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the absence of positive media images of local brown people.  Here's the first of a few follow-up posts about people who counter those images through their daily lives.

  This is Mari Maldonado.  She is a first generation natural-born citizen, the middle child of four who was born to parents who are originally from Puerto Rico.  She's funny, obviously beautiful, outgoing, passionate -- and compassionate about what she does.  Mari's the Fund Development Coordinator for the Guest House of Milwaukee, a men's homeless shelter located in the heart of the city.  Their goal is to move the men that live there -- the "guests" -- from homelessness to independence by providing onsite alcohol and drug abuse counseling, along with case management and other critical services.  According to Mari, they've had residents as young as 18 and old as 82.

So how did Mari -- this former salesperson of "everything from cameras to insurance" and now also a student of Mt. Mary College -- end up here?  Because (as she puts it) she has a heart for serving others.  Her heart led her to volunteer in the Guests House's dispensary (I didn't know what a dispensary was either....it's the place where guests get razors, toothpaste and other personal items.)  One year later, Mari was asked to join the staff as the fundraiser and volunteer coordinator.  This is really her calling, and it comes across loud and clear in Mari's voice when she talks about "the guys."

What I saw and heard during my short visit at the Guest House confirmed what I already knew: the tough economic times are hitting everyone; many of the men finding themselves at the Guest House are citing layoffs as an element in their homelessness.  It really made me wonder how many of us could only be a paycheck or illness or accident away from homelessness; and that people who -- by either bad choices or bad luck -- end up homeless were kids once upon a time...and their parents probably had the same hopes and dreams for them that I have for GG right now.  It made me sad inside, but it also made me grateful for places like the Guest House that are here to help.

One of the Men's Dorms

I left our interview wanting to do something...and that's what Mari's about: (in her words) Inspiring people.  She says "we're all here to do something -- even the little things can change and affect other people's lives."  So what are the little things?  Honestly, it's the stuff I never think about.  Like donating body wash, spray deodorant, razors, toothpaste, toothbrushes, gloves, socks.  These are things that places like the Guest House are always in need of.  I'm not proud to say it, but for me, these items are afterthoughts that I just throw in the shopping cart without thinking...but they can mean the whole world to someone trying to get back on their feet.

I initially went into this interview with the intent of shining a light on a brown person who counters the negative images that we all too often see.  And while Mari definitely does just that, I walked away from my visit with so much more: an appreciation for the blessings I have and the inspiration to start doing more to help.  Even if it's just the little things.

Thanks for doing so much more than shining a light, Mari. 

Mural by a Formerly Homeless Resident

*If you want to learn more about the Guest House, just visit their website at guesthouseofmilwaukee.org.*

When I worked at a different organization over ten years ago, Emmy's (not her real name) and my boss did volunteer work together.  We had talked and joked with each other while we did meeting scheduling and those types of thngs over the phone; so although we had never met, we had a great relationship.  One day I called Emmy to see if her boss received the mailing I sent out.  He hadn't yet, and Emmy let me know that it was probably being held up with the temps in the mailroom because "Well.....they're [the temps] black.  You know how they are."  The confrontation just wasn't worth it, so I just got out a "Uh, yeah....I know what you mean.  Let me know when he does get it.  Thanks."  Guess I didn't sound like I was black -- whatever that means.

Calm down, it happens.  It wasn't the first time I ran into that, and it probably won't be the last.  And Emmy's genuinely nice -- its not like she burns crosses on people's lawns in her downtime; she was just talking out of her....ignorance.  And let's face it, even though Milwaukee's brown population -- Hispanic and Latino American, Asian, Black, and mixed-race -- is growing, the images that we see of these local "brown people" are kind of out of balance.  We see perpetrators or people in poverty, but not much in between.  So I can't completely place all of the blame on Emmy.  When we don't see positive images balanced with those of the negative, I think we (and I'm including myself here) subconsciously buy into believing that that specific people groups are the sum total of what we see.  This concerns me particularly as we raise GG.  I mean, she obviously has me and some of my other family members to see as positive brown images, but not many others.  Her primary exposure to local brown people (Hispanic and Latino, Asian, Middle-eastern) is what we see on television news or in the paper....and I just wonder how much of it she's buying into.

I know there are many brown people who counter the images.  They're dedicated individuals who quietly work to sustain our community through philanthropy, volunteerism, and just doing their day-to-day jobs.  Like I said in my first post, I am hopeful about our community's future, and a lot it of has to do with these kind of folks.  So, in periodic future posts, I'd like to shed light on a few brown people who counter the negative images that we see.  By uncovering the work they do, I believe I can re-educate myself, and in so doing provide better images for GG -- and hopefully for you and your kids too.

Now, don't misunderstand me, I'm far from an expert on "all peoples brown."  I know about some who are working in and/or leading great organizations, but I don't claim to know about all; so I'd like for you to help me out in this fact-finding mission.  Here's how:

*Email me at the link below if you know of a "brown person"  (that means black, Hispanic or Latino, Asian or other ethnic minority) who's doing something to uplift the community.  (Coaches, foster parents, people in business, teachers, EMTs, bus drivers, volunteers, you-name-it); or

*Email me at the link below IF YOU ARE a brown person who's doing something to uplift our community.  I'd like to hear your story; and, as always:

*Keep the comments coming.  The more we all talk and hear each other's views, the more educated we'll be.  Just click on the comment button below.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you.  I know we can't change the images we see overnight, but together we can uncover some new, positive ones....for ourselves and our kids.