I'm not one to recite movie lines. I can never remember them.
And truthfully, god bless Google, I had to look this one up to make sure I had it right. In the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun" Diane Lane is going through a very painful divorce. She vacations to Tuscany where she ends up buying a villa and renovating it. One thing after another goes wrong with her renovation and one day she reaches her breaking point and says this line that I could completely relate to: "Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should."
When I first watched this movie a few years ago I was newly divorced. I remember hearing that line, pausing the DVD and crying my eyes out. She was so right. My divorce was so painful, but it didn't kill me. And like Diane Lane's character, Frances, there were times when it hurt so much, that it really should have.
I recently watched this movie again and I didn't cry at all. Wow, progress! I marveled at how time really does cure all wounds. And I found it hard to believe how far I had come in just 3 1/2 years since I've been divorced. I'm dating someone wonderful. My kids are happy. We are all healthy. And my ex-husband and I get along amicably. I was at one of the kids' sports activities talking with my Ex and I thought, "Wow, this is so great that over time we've been able to become friends."
And then, whoops, one disagreement later, with lots of nastiness hurled my way and I wonder, "What was I thinking?" Back on the divorce roller coaster.
I know in many ways this isn't so different from marriage and life in general. We all have ebbs and flows in our lives and in our relationships. But in a marriage you have a mutual goal of trying to be respectful to one another; because, after all, you love one another. Not so with divorce.
Because I have kids I am tied to my Ex (and his wife of three years) for life. I've always put my children first so that's made it pretty easy to do the right thing. Well maybe it's not easy, but it's what I do nonetheless.
But I must say that it is hard to always do the right thing and never get any credit for it. I have people say, "Well of course you are not friends. You are the ex-wife." And conveniently, it seems, the punching bag.
I have to say, I don't get it. Why can't we be friends?
